I nearly didn’t write this because I thought it’s just simply TMI and also very unprofessional of a clinical psychologist to provide this much information.
Then I thought, bugger it. If I was talking about my knee, I’d be happy to share.
Plus, having shared this with quite a few women now, I realise just how common this problem is … as well as the solution it seems.
And finally, the reality is that everyone in this community has spent some time in a uterus and most of you have a uterus and those who don’t, love and care for someone with a uterus. So why the shame?
So here goes….
Red (my period – that’s what I put in my calendar) arrived today.
Yep. I’m sharing that.
But the reason I’m sharing that is because Red had visited for 3 weeks.
Yes, that’s the pattern. She likes to visit for 3 WHOLE WEEKS and she is quite painful during that time.
Then she skives off for 1-week off. Ahhh blessed relief.
It’s like she works a really shitty FIFO roster – in reverse.
Now I put in a ‘complaint’ nearly 4 years ago and the boss (aka gynaecologist) took this seriously and tried to sort the problem out.
Now that was fun. Not. That was my first journey into ‘laparoscopy’ land. Stuff that! For anyone who hasn’t had one of these, they fill your stomach with gas so they can do their handy work. Then you have the rather delightful experience of referred pain. In your shoulders. Which you feel every. time. you. breathe. for. days. after.
Not one to complain though, I must add that little procedure did the trick … for a while.
But then ‘Red’ returned and since then, she’s been living that 3/1 FIFO life. For the past 18-months.
Now sisters, I am QUITE sure you can feel my pain when you think about this life. It’s been crap.
And so the other reason I’m telling you this, is because me and the boss (aka gynaecologist) made a decision. We’re getting rid of her house.
Yes, this visit from Red. Well it’s her last hurrah.
This Friday, her home is being demolished. This is my only solution because I’m still a while away from menopause.
Now it isn’t lost on me that I’m sharing this with my fellow Conscious Mothers who have (or have had) uterus’ too. And in fact, some of you gorgeous ladies might be getting too many unwelcome and painful visits from Red too. I’m so sorry if that’s the case.
But if you’re one of ‘those’ women who Red only visits every 28 days and hangs around for only 3-4, then the idea of removing the place where she takes up residence might be foreign to you.
I get it. Truly I do. I’ve spent the last 2 months waiting for this surgery, thinking about that very thing.
What does my uterus mean to me?
What do our uterus’ mean us?
I guess I shouldn’t speak for all women but I do think that for most of us, our uterus’ houses Red. And Red’s arrival marks the whole ‘becoming a woman’ thing that most of us (because we simply don’t know better at the time) are excited about.
As we mature and get a little frisky, we then tend to spend many years making sure our uteruses remain empty.
Then we can spend months (sometimes many many years) trying to fill them with little poppets to adore.
In between we can have a pretty neutral relationship with our uterus or it can be filled with heartache and pain.
For me, I was happy with my uterus particularly when Red arrived. I wasn’t wrapped she decided to show up on the day of my girlfriend’s pool party but I was naively proud to ‘now be a woman’.
And for the years after that, I had a reasonably neutral relationship with her courtesy of ‘THE PILL’.
She was super kind and generous, enabling me to be a mother 3 times over. She baked those babies well!
So really, my uterus played a HUGE role in the biggest journey of my life – motherhood!
(As an aside, she didn’t contribute to my 4th child but that’s another story).
So I am truly grateful to her.
But it is the end of an era. I had her tubes tied when we tried the last ‘solution’ so I came to terms with not being able to have more children. I have 4. I’m so blessed. I’m also 43 this year and quite happy that I hung up those boots a while back.
I can’t quite find the words to describe how I feel. I know I’m a psychologist but we also get stuck for words!
But what I do know, is that the idea of ‘coming to’ sometime on Friday without her, feels ‘different’. I think it will ‘feel’ odd to not have her with me. She has been with me all my life.
She’s partied hard, created life and now what? Good bye?
Yes. This relationship is no longer working for me.
And so it is time to say farewell. While I also say ‘thank you’.