*This is a long one. Sorry, not sorry.*
Have you always wanted to be a ‘good’ mother? Or even a ‘great’ mother?
Do you long to face each day with confidence that you will, more often than not, embody the qualities that YOU believe are important as a mother.
Do you want to create a loving and nurturing relationship with your children, knowing that their memories of their childhood and adolescence will be filled with your kindness, understanding, playfulness as well as your passion and drive?
Do you want to do this WITHOUT sacrificing who YOU are as a woman? Without forgoing YOUR dreams?
So many of us WANT to be our best selves, that blend of great mum AND fulfilled woman.
And I bet you are already great.
But I have a pretty strong hunch that YOU don’t see yourself that way.
I would also hazard a guess that you have sacrificed quite a bit of YOU in this motherhood journey.
It is super easy for us to feel like WE AREN’T ENOUGH in some way. We either aren’t patient enough, kind enough, available enough, organised enough, playful enough, smart enough, consistent enough, motivated enough, disciplined enough, calm enough etc… Seriously, the list goes on!
And then on top of that WE DON’T DO ENOUGH of the ‘things’ that light us up. We stop pursuing our dreams, passions and goals. Because how the hell do you nurture those pieces of you, if you want to be a great mum?
And what I have found is that we feel this way because we hold ourselves up against other people’s standards. We don’t think about the mother WE want to be!
I get it. We don’t have time. We spend our pregnancy preparing the nursery and our birth plan and then *blink* we’ve had our baby and so begins the endless feeding, changing nappies, trying to get them to sleep. It’s a LONG time before you come up for air.
And so you simply put one foot in front of the other.
Until you struggle. And that can happen when you have a 2-day old baby, when you realise your mum isn’t going to be the Nana you’d hoped she’d be, when you realise you aren’t the mum you thought you’d be, when you return to work or even when you have a 13 year old teenager back-chatting you.
The reality is that the struggle is a blessing in disguise. Because it provides you with an opportunity (even if it does feel like a smack in the face) to reflect on YOUR vision of motherhood (not someone else’s) and YOUR mothering values.
This is the point where you can either plod through the struggle and then simply sigh with relief when it’s over.
Or you can just ‘do the work’ and tread your own path.
‘Do the work?’
Yep. Do the work. You can unpack this identity of ‘mother’ and this experience of motherhood.
You can challenge the beliefs and expectations you have about what makes a ‘good mother’.
You can work out and overcome the parts of your history that make it hard to be the mother YOU want to be. You know, those buttons that get pushed by your little one or your partner that cause you to over-react or disconnect.
You can find your way to your best mothering self.
You can reconnect to your dreams and goals – the things that light you up inside and give you joie de vivre – which will make you a better version of yourself (including as a mother).
You can.Now just in case you’re thinking, ‘you’re a psychologist of course this pretty easy for you’.
The truth is that I know the motherhood struggle too. I’ve been divorced and a single mother of a toddler. And while HE was great, I had to constantly ask myself if I was projecting my ‘stuff’ and my needs, onto decisions about what was best for him.
I had panic disorder in my university years that morphed in postnatal anxiety after my babies.
I’ve had the most challenging moments as a mother since bringing our foster child into our family only 3 years ago. She is now 13 and if those years aren’t hard enough, the gorgeous poppet has a really tough history to work through. And that of course impacts our relationship. Talk about needing to be my absolute Best Mothering Self there!
But yes, because I’m a psychologist and believe with every inch of my being, in the value of working on myself – that’s what I’ve done. In fact I’ve spent a shit-load of time, energy and money on ‘doing the work’ so that I could be the best version of myself as often as possible. And I have to say it has been time, energy and money well spent.
I really love being a mum. I really love being an ambitious woman with a career and a business too. I am perfectly imperfect and am okay with that.
So I want to ask you … would you like to find a way to be okay with being perfectly imperfect?
What would life be like if you were?
What if you simply said, ‘no more self-criticism’, ‘no more doubt’ and ‘no more self-sacrifice’?
What if you said, ‘it’s my time’?
‘It’s my time to work out what I want before taking another step forward in a direction I don’t want’
What if you said ….
‘I’m going to pause. I’m going to take the time to work out the mother I want to be. To become clear on my values. To find ways to successfully blend my deepest desires – to be a wonderful mother and NOT lose myself in the process’
Can I just say that there is NOTHING more beautiful than witnessing a mother find her self-compassion and connect to her best mothering self, or re-discover her passion and dreams and then share them with her children and partner.
If any of this ‘speaks’ to you. Moves you. Makes you excited/nervous, come and join me on the Conscious Mother’s Breakthrough Retreat for a powerful, inspiring and healing experience.
You will leave the same, but different. Deeply connected to who YOU are and clear about who YOU want to be. Strengths will be discovered. Foibles shared and met with compassion. You will have clarity about your values.
*inside your head* … But Kirstin, I’ve never done anything like this before …
Fabulous, I’ll show you where to start. All you need is the desire to explore and discover. The art of creating an environment that feels safe and encourages discovery, challenge and change – that’s what I know and that’s what I do.
What if, I … suck at it? What if I can’t talk and share?
I assure you, you won’t suck at ‘it’. Everyone has their own natural rhythm when it comes to connecting with their internal world – their thoughts and feelings. I provide the ‘right’ environment AND the ‘techniques’ to help and you go ‘as deep’ as you feel comfortable with. Even women who would describe themselves as having been ‘quiet’ or having ‘held back’ on Retreat gain an enormous amount of insight into themselves and find that things shift for them.
I don’t know where to start
Most people don’t. And really, the only ‘right’ place to start is wherever you are. With whatever is on your mind and in your heart then and there. But if you DO get ‘stuck’ I will help. That’s one of the MANY reasons why this Retreat is not just a weekend away with your girlfriends. I’ve been helping people find their voice, work out where they are stuck and why they are stuck and how to get unstuck for over 20 years. I can help you too.
I’ve tried counselling/therapy/personal development before and it ‘didn’t work’.
This one is hard to answer. I hear it often but usually find that the counselling/therapy/personal development DID take them a step closer to wherever they NEEDED to be. Yes needed (not necessarily wanted). I guess my response is to recognise that movement is movement and the Retreat WILL create movement. And if you’re ready and open to the experience, you WILL grow too.
Okay, so what actually happens on The Conscious Mother’s Breakthrough Retreat?
For 3 days and 3 nights, you will have the TIME, FOCUS and SUPPORT you need to work on YOU. Whether you arrive with a clear idea about what troubles you the most, whether it’s all a mish mash of examples of your ‘terrible’ parenting or whether you feel completely lost and don’t know how to find yourself, my focus will be to create and hold a safe space for you and together we’ll work it out.
The Retreat is an experience that unfolds. I have a framework that I work to which I tweak after I’ve spoken with ALL participants in the weeks BEFORE we go on Retreat. But ultimately we cover things like; self-compassion, self-awareness, values, connection and relationships. We spend lots of time unpacking your best mothering self, your experience of being parented yourself, your history and your triggers. Apart from the first evening where we participate in a creative exercise, the evenings are ‘workshop’ free and simply a time to relax and have a laugh together.
You escape from your life for 3 perfect days, where it is all about you and only you – no guilt, no cooking, no distractions that pull you away from having the time to THINK and FEEL and BE.
So, let me look after you.
I know just what mothers need: we need space to think, we need time to share with like-minded mothers, we also need time alone but to not feel alone.
We need inspiration without distraction .
We need other people to worry about our meals , and we need spaces that invite us to think and feel deeply.
We need support and a hand at our back; someone who believes in us and our ability and a map of how to get to where we’re going and a guide who’s travelled the path before and knows how to get there…
Who should come?
This is a Retreat for pregnant women (yes even if you haven’t had your baby yet) AND for mothers of children of all ages. People have asked why I don’t run separate groups for mothers at different stages of their journey and the reason is simple. The best villages don’t segregate their mothers that way. Not at all. We can all inspire one another and offer our wisdom whether we’re new to the journey or been on it for a while.
The key thing about coming on Retreat is that you’re ready to examine your own life. If you ONLY want to learn strategies to apply to your children, this isn’t for you. There is so much wonderful information and many great services out there that can help you with that.
The Retreat is SO much more than that.
If you’re ready to be CURIOUS and discover the stories that you live by
If you’re ready to be BOLD and face some uncomfortable truths
If you’re ready to be COMPASSIONATE and embrace your own humanity
If you’re ready to CONNECT deeply and meaningfully with other like-minded women; holding the space for them as they will for you
If you are ready to create change from the inside out
Then you can thank the universe for introducing us because this Retreat is exactly where you need to be.
If you’d like to know more, please complete the Expression of Interest Form so we can organise a time to chat. There are limited places and this consultation is essential for me to understand where you’re at, what you want and what you need and to share how I believe the Retreat Experience can help you.
There is absolutely no obligation for you to take a spot after this consultation. I have met many people in my life who have given their time to hear my story and it’s my pleasure to pay it forward without ‘outcome’.
If you’re ready to be nurtured, challenged and inspired and to breathe, discover, connect and grow, I’d love to walk with you through this part of your journey.